I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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