If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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