I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
