I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
