im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
