My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
