Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
