i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
