Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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