omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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