i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
