Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
