On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
