Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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