i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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