At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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