He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
