So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
