My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
