Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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