I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
