i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
