I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
