$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
