i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
