R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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