addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
