I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
