i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
