i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
