i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
