you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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