i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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