do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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