Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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