I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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