You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
