Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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