I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
