Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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