yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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