Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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