You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
