im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
