why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
