If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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