She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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