i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
this is an emotional support booty call
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
