somebody snuck up and got me drunk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
