I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
