We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
