i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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