Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
