Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
