I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
