i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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