My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
