Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize