It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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