is your mom at the bar?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
