I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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