Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize