I'm drive I can fine osifer
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
