How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
