you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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